Granny Hooks A Crook
by Julie Seedorf
Book Details
File Size: 294 KB
Print Length: 200 pages
Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1939816122
Publisher: Cozy Cat Press (July 10, 2013)
ASIN: B00DVL2CVU
Cozy Mystery
Synopsis
Granny leads a secret life in the small, unique community of Fuschia, Minnesota. It’s not just her all junk food diet, multiplying pets, or her shocking bedtime attire that makes Granny one in a million. No, Granny is an undercover cop, charged by “the Big Guy” (the town’s police chief) of preventing theft in local stores. Granny takes her job seriously and daily foils many shoplifters using her trusty spiked umbrella and amazing acting skills. When some startlingly brazen burglaries begin to occur that Granny can’t solve, along with mysteriously appearing bad guys, disappearing clerks, and misplaced Corvettes, Granny begins to wonder if she isn’t ready for the wrinkle farm. Maybe, it’s fortuitous when she accidentally-on-purpose falls in the lap of an attractive older gentleman who is soon roped into her wild adventures, as they try to figure out what’s happening in their little town.
A Book Excerpt
Granny didn’t always like to get up in the morning. It seemed a waste of a good bed to get out of it so early in the morning. First, Granny would wallow in the warmth. She would squirm a little and enjoy the softness of the mattress. Granny would then open one eye to see if it was light yet. If it appeared that the sun was up, she would open the other eye very slowly, not wanting to get too excited. Getting up too fast always made her head spin.
Granny would then stick her big toe out of the blanket, trying to determine the weather. Her big toe was a good barometer. If it started turning blue, she knew it was cold and her toe was going to throb on and off for the day. If it stayed red, Granny knew that it would be a good day for her flip flops, even though she wasn’t supposed to be wearing them. Her kids harassed her about wearing her flip flops, something about not walking properly and being at risk of falling. She couldn’t make them understand that at her age she was always at risk for falling, so why not live dangerously in her flip flops.
Granny always looked around first before attempting the final lift out of her bed. She had to make sure there weren’t any kids or grandkids visiting before she threw off the covers. At her age it was easy to forget if her kids and grandkids had stayed over. Occasionally, she forgot they were there even before she climbed into bed. It didn’t bother her that her memory was a little foggy. It was a good excuse to use when she needed to get out of something she didn’t want to do, or if she got caught somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be.
Usually, if Granny remembered before she went to bed that her kids and grandkids stayed over, she would dress in her granny gown pajamas. It was what they expected of someone her age and she didn’t want to ruin their expectations. But when Granny was by herself, she occasionally slept in the nude and occasionally she wore her hot pink, silk shortie nightgown with red hearts on it. Or she might wear her purple leather PJ’s that stated Sexy Granny and I Know It.
Granny’s secret PJ’s always made her smile before she went to bed. It made the creaky body and the saggy skin feel better. She still felt like that sexy granny inside. Her mind never did keep up with her body.
There were times her kids would visit unexpectedly in the morning and have breakfast waiting for Granny when she stumbled into the kitchen from her warm bed. She could see the horror on their faces if they caught her in anything other than her granny pajamas. She would be sent to the wrinkle farm faster than she could lose her flip flops.
About The Author
Julie Seedorf owns her own computer repair business, but her secret undercover job is writing. Her column “Something About Nothing” for a Minnesota newspaper is about nothing, which is what we talk about most of the time, always with something underneath the conversation. Julie has been a wife, mother, grandmother, housewife, barmaid, salesperson, activity director, full time volunteer and more. Her motto is, “If you dream it, you can do it.” Her Fuchsia Minnesota, published by Cozy Cat Press is her first journey in her undercover career. Having lived in small communities in Minnesota all her life, she knows the richness and uniqueness that only a small town can bring and with a little humor and imagination, she transforms those experiences into her imaginary Fuchsia community.
Guest Post
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I remember the first time I received a senior citizen’s
discount. It was at a McDonalds and I was 52 years old. I wasn’t sure how to
react. Did I look that old? My son-in-law of a few months assured me that I
didn’t. He had worked at a McDonald’s and he gave the discount to anyone that
looked over 40 because he is age guessing challenged. People didn’t get upset
usually, when they saved money on their food whether they were 40 or 70.
When I actually turned 55, one of the first things I did was
order from the Senior menu in Perkins. They didn’t believe I was 55 and I had
to show proof. It was a mish mash all over the place when it came to people
guessing my age and giving me, or not giving me the elderly discount.
Why do I use the word elderly in that same context? I use it
because I haven’t figured out at what age you become elderly. We get a discount
at a certain age and they call us Seniors. I was a senior in high school too so
that isn’t as upsetting, but elderly?
I once read about a car crash in the paper. The newspaper
described the crash and called the people elderly. I assumed, and you know what
they say about assume, that the people were over 70 or older, again elderly?
The people in the car crash were in their early 50’s and the paper had them as
elderly. I looked up the definition and I couldn’t find an exact age where they
decided you were elderly.
I cut my head open stumbling over the computers I fix in my
office. I was hauled away to the Doctors office next door for stitches. I
hadn’t met the new doctor yet. After the nurse cleaned me up she went to inform
the doctor I was there. The nurse came back into the room to ask me a few more
questions and she informed me that the doctor wasn’t sure that I shouldn’t go to
the emergency room or a bigger facility. My answer was “For a few stitches?”
Her answer was “Most elderly people on are a lot of medication so she doesn’t
want to take a chance that there might be problems.” That was first time
someone had actually called me elderly at 62. I was shocked and I was on no
medication. I live one door away from the clinic and I wasn’t leaving the
office without stitches. Since I was “elderly” I figured I could be stubborn.
Aren’t most elderly people stubborn?
Society labels people as they get older. We should do away
with the term elderly. In my opinion age has more to do with mind and soul then
with the body aging. I know many people in their older years that are the same
age but I wouldn’t know it. Some of the older people I know surprise me with
their attitude, their wit and their antics. Recently I met a woman that was in
her late 80’s, dressed to the nines, wearing high heels. She had a young
attitude and I thought her to be in her late 60’s. I know other people in their 50’s and 60’s
that I would guess to be in their 80’s because of their attitude.
Yes, as you get older things happen to your body. Things
that used to tickle your chin now sweep the floor. We have ads about Depends
and constipation products that are aimed at older people. Is it any wonder that
we think of aging as a plague that we want to avoid? And we do try to avoid it.
We do the face lifts, wrinkle cream, hair dye, but they don’t stop the march of
time. Only our attitude, whether we are
healthy or ill, make a difference in how well we become what society calls
elderly.
Perhaps that is why I wrote my silly story about Fuchsia,
Minnesota with an older woman named Granny. In “Granny Hooks A Crook”, Granny
still thinks she’s young. She defies her children who have the misconception that
because Granny is older she needs to be looked after. Perhaps she does, not
because of her age, but because of her mischievousness. Some people that have read the book feel that
Granny is a little too farfetched for them.
Granny is who I would love to be as I age. Granny is in part who my
mother was as she aged.
My mother could cut wood with the best of them when she was
in her 80’s. My mother, who was a tiny little thing, had more muscles in her
80’s than some younger men and could
lift furniture with the best of them. My mother never asked for help and at 90
was up on her roof patching it, much to this daughter’s dismay. My mother,
after not being able to drive anymore because at 90 she was a little driving
challenged, and the police decided she should not be driving anymore, tried
renting a car instead after we had removed her car from her residence. At which
time she reported it stolen, knowing exactly where her car was.
She did have memory issues at the end but she was feisty,
strong, opinionated and never believed that she was old. At the age of 91 she entered the nursing home,
but she never believed she belonged there because she wasn’t old. She always
kept the inquiring mind. Her sense of humor surprised us. “Thank you for
helping me celebrate my 100th birthday and the last year of my
life.” She was 93. When asked why she thought it was the last year of her life
she answered “I’m 100 years old, how long do you expect me to live?”
Is Granny in “Granny Hooks A Crook ,silly, unbelievable and farfetched?
Maybe, but you never met my “elderly” mother.
Webpage: http://www.julieseedorf.com,
Goodreads: Julie Seedorf,
Twitter: @julieseedorf,
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/sprinklednotes,
Column: http://www.albertleatribune.com.
November 14 – Kelly P’s Blog – Guest Post, Giveaway
November 15 – Community Bookstop – Review
November 16 – Melina’s Book Blog – Review, Guest Post
November 17 – Cozy Up With Kathy – Interview
November 18 – Christa Reads and Writes – Review, Giveaway
November 19 – Mochas, Mysteries and More – Guest Post
November 20 - fundinmental – Guest Post, Giveaway
November 21 – Musings and Ramblings – Guest Post
November 22 – readalot blog – Review
November 25 – Escape With Dollycas Into A Good Book – Spotlight
November 26 – Brooke Blogs – Review, Guest Post
Giveaway
1 ecopy or paperback (Winner’s Choice) Paperback U.S. Mailing Addresses only of GRANNY HOOKS A CROOK by Julie Seedorf. The winner will be emailed and have two days to respond before new name drawn. Contests starts Nov. 14, 2013 and ends Nov. 26, 2013.
Please leave a comment and add your email address. I will have my kids (dogs) draw a name :) Thank you so much. Good Luck!!!
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